2012 Reflections

Woke early this morning, I suppose because of the anticipation of this day. The last one for 2012.
I can't help but feel a sense of relief to realize that in a few short hours, I can mentally close the chapter of what has been a most trying year. This will be mainly for my own benefit, but I am going to do a re-cap of the events, and if anyone is actually reading this post, then they too may get a small glimpse of why I am eager to lay this one to rest.
Let me see if I can just hit the main highlights:
We came into the new year still in the middle of a weary battle, from Dale having been hospitalized on Oct.9th, 2011 for 5 weeks. He had suffered a severe infection in his foot that led to having to have a small part of his foot and his little toe of the right foot amputated. Once he was released to come home, just right before Thanksgiving, we still had to continue IV treatments at home, twice a day. Of course, with the holidays upon us and the emotional and financial stress we were under, it was not exactly the mood setting that we would have preferred for the holiday season. However, we made it through, and entered into 2012. With that said-
Dale was able to return to work on Jan.9th, exactly 3 months to the day of when he was hospitalized.
On top of all of this, we were also going through some extreme issues with extended family members, that left us emotionally and physically drained. I will refrain from details as it is not something that I feel I should share. Just trust me when I say that I was not dealing well from everything that was going on, yet I had to try and hold it all together for my own little family.
The finanical stress that we had been through caused us to go into default with our home, as well as about every other area where money was concerned, and we had the horrible experience of facing forclosure. Our mortgage company gave us a grace period to try and salvage ourselves, and with God's help and the approval for a loan through our bank, we were able to get caught up by the first of May. I am detailing this all so that there might can be some understanding to my mental status at this present time.
During all of this time, I was also struggling with trying to make a small business work, and sad to say, it wasn't.  I realize now more than ever that I had way too many irons in the fire that needed  more of my time than I was able to give, and this all too was adding to my stress levels.
By the time May had come, we were trying to plan ,my parents 50th Wedding Anniversary event, and there was other issues brewing again with extended family that was causing me much grief and heartache, and also deep concern. Details again not being shared for privacy. However, trust me when I say that this gal was at her wits end with trying to hold myself together, and yet function.
I will also mention that in late Feb. a very special young man had become a part of our lives, by becoming Maci's boyfriend. We grew to love Marijo very much, and enjoyed having him in our lives.
We could plainly see how he adored Maci, and was a good guy.
By June, my health was at an all time high of needing some major help. Stress can cause a body and mind much damage, and I was suffering.I was trying to focus on having a great summer with my girls, and it seemed the forces were just against us. My youngest daughter had an injury during the first week of summer break, that left her handicapped for several weeks, causing her great pain and unable to do a lot of the activities that she had wanted to do. We tried to make the best of it, yet I felt bad for her since it was such a misfortune. Thankfully she mended well and was able to enjoy the rest of the summer. For my birthday, my oldest sister Wyvette gave me a gift that would prove to be of great benefit. It was an Advocare 24 Day Challenge Bundle. I started it soon after, and was very pleased with the results I had both in weight loss as well as the way I was feeling healthwise. My hope was to stay focused on this road of recovery and to see my ultimate goals obtained in my weight loss, but sad to say, that did not happen. LIFE happened!  And I once again fell under the bus as you might say, by the circumstances that were taking place. By August, I had finally been able to get our household budget in breathing status, and felt a sense of relief that we were actually going to be able to hold our head above the water. How short lived that victory was. On Sept. 19th, I was in the ER having extreme high blood pressure and what appeared to be a light stroke. Doctor was also concerned that I was on the verge of another heart attack. However, I was released to come home providing I would rest and take it easy. HELLO! Have they no idea of how my life is? To some I know that you would say that I am an idiot for not heeding the instructions, but please would someone tell me how to actually "not worry" or how to not deal with everything???? I would really like to have some instructions to go by. Now as the rest of this year unfolds as you will read, again I will ask you. HOW am I to not be stressed? Trust God? I DO! But life just keeps throwing some pretty heavy punches at this point. The very next day after I was in ER, I had discovered that Dale had another very bad infection in his foot, that he had tried to keep hidden. Not sure why he didnt think it was a matter that should have been already seen about, but as I have been told, " that's a man for ya". WHATEVER!! So, we go to the same Specialist in Amarillo that had treated him the last time, and guess what! His exact words were, "well, to the hospital you go". I knew that was going to be the verdict, but Dale was thinking that he would just be medicated and sent home to carry on. Well, because he ( Dale) felt that he needed to at least make some arrangements at work, ect.  he could not go straight to the hospital, so the Dr. said as long as he was at the hospital to check in by 9 the next morning, he would let him go home to prepare. Little did I know that we were in for yet another lengthly hospital stay, much less the other life changing issues we were about to experience.
For those who don't know, the hospital that Dale was being admitted to was 55 miles from our home. That makes it even harder on several levels, both costly as well as limited visits. We got him settled in the hospital, and the tests and evaluations began. Saturday evening, Maci and I went to the hospital, and Marijo came to visit and also took Maci to dinner. Little did we know, it would be our last time to see him alive. That following Monday morning, he was in a horrible accident on his way to work, that took his life as well as the other driver. That is a morning I will not soon forget, as I heard the screams and horrified cries of my daughter, as she found out. My heart was so crushed, not only for her grief but for my own. It was one of the darkest trials we have been through, and I know that if God had not been my strength, I could not have gone through those next few days. I had a husband with a serious condition in the hospital, not sure if he was going to be losing his foot this time, and now a daughter in a state of grief that was ripping my heart out. My sweet baby girl Mandi was trying hard to be strong through all of this too, and yet we all was dealing with pain that we had not experienced before. During all of this time, we also experienced some of the loneliest hours, as it seemed we had been forgotten. Calls were few and far between, and most of them were from friends or family that were far away. Locally, it was shocking at the lack of concern that we felt, especially from those who we thought would really be there for us. They were not. I have to say, it was during this time that I had to really hold my faith together, because we were so hurt and disappointed that it made it hard to look at some people after that. And still is, to a point. But also during this time, God put a few others in our path that ministered to us by encouragement and even provision for certain needs, that we knew were a "God thing". It strengthened not only my faith, but was also a testimony to my girls that God knew where we were, though others may be too busy to notice. I know that there are a few of our friends who would have come to our rescue if they were able to, and I am in no way referring to any of them when I speak of the disappointment of others. I refrain from being specific out of respect, but if I were mean spirited, I would list names and "places" of those who I truly expected moral support from, as well as at least the offer of any assitance that we may have needed. It still blows my mind and the lack of concern. I will get over it, it just really set me back. So, as the days turned into weeks, finally Dale was released to come home on Oct.23rd, and again was place on IV treatments to be given twice a day. Also, we had to go for wound care 3 times a week here at the local hospital, as well as weekly trips to Amarillo for his blood work and appointments. Finally the blessed day came when he was released to go back to work, which was on Nov. 12th- so you do the math now of how the financial status was at this point. And yet, Wonder Woman was still trying to hold it all together and take care of things. So pardon me if I have seemed a little " out of sorts" or hard to deal with, or perhaps a little " whiney" as some have actually said, but life has been just a little sucky this year, and so yes! I am ready to say goodby to it! I am very thankful that I have the mental ability to actually believe that the new year is a way to finally put this old one behind, and also that I believe that I have a new page to start writing life on. My honest hope and desire is that this year will be less drama filled and more happy, healthy and prosperous. I do believe we deserve a break! So, I shall end this particular post, as my opportunity to have written my recollections of the things that I want to put behind me, so that my future posts can be more inspiring as well as entries of awesome and wonderful happenings. Thanks for letting me share my heart. Hey wait! Isn't this MY blog? I can say anything I need to, want to, feel like, ect. and don't have to worry about it! :)