2012 Reflections

Woke early this morning, I suppose because of the anticipation of this day. The last one for 2012.
I can't help but feel a sense of relief to realize that in a few short hours, I can mentally close the chapter of what has been a most trying year. This will be mainly for my own benefit, but I am going to do a re-cap of the events, and if anyone is actually reading this post, then they too may get a small glimpse of why I am eager to lay this one to rest.
Let me see if I can just hit the main highlights:
We came into the new year still in the middle of a weary battle, from Dale having been hospitalized on Oct.9th, 2011 for 5 weeks. He had suffered a severe infection in his foot that led to having to have a small part of his foot and his little toe of the right foot amputated. Once he was released to come home, just right before Thanksgiving, we still had to continue IV treatments at home, twice a day. Of course, with the holidays upon us and the emotional and financial stress we were under, it was not exactly the mood setting that we would have preferred for the holiday season. However, we made it through, and entered into 2012. With that said-
Dale was able to return to work on Jan.9th, exactly 3 months to the day of when he was hospitalized.
On top of all of this, we were also going through some extreme issues with extended family members, that left us emotionally and physically drained. I will refrain from details as it is not something that I feel I should share. Just trust me when I say that I was not dealing well from everything that was going on, yet I had to try and hold it all together for my own little family.
The finanical stress that we had been through caused us to go into default with our home, as well as about every other area where money was concerned, and we had the horrible experience of facing forclosure. Our mortgage company gave us a grace period to try and salvage ourselves, and with God's help and the approval for a loan through our bank, we were able to get caught up by the first of May. I am detailing this all so that there might can be some understanding to my mental status at this present time.
During all of this time, I was also struggling with trying to make a small business work, and sad to say, it wasn't.  I realize now more than ever that I had way too many irons in the fire that needed  more of my time than I was able to give, and this all too was adding to my stress levels.
By the time May had come, we were trying to plan ,my parents 50th Wedding Anniversary event, and there was other issues brewing again with extended family that was causing me much grief and heartache, and also deep concern. Details again not being shared for privacy. However, trust me when I say that this gal was at her wits end with trying to hold myself together, and yet function.
I will also mention that in late Feb. a very special young man had become a part of our lives, by becoming Maci's boyfriend. We grew to love Marijo very much, and enjoyed having him in our lives.
We could plainly see how he adored Maci, and was a good guy.
By June, my health was at an all time high of needing some major help. Stress can cause a body and mind much damage, and I was suffering.I was trying to focus on having a great summer with my girls, and it seemed the forces were just against us. My youngest daughter had an injury during the first week of summer break, that left her handicapped for several weeks, causing her great pain and unable to do a lot of the activities that she had wanted to do. We tried to make the best of it, yet I felt bad for her since it was such a misfortune. Thankfully she mended well and was able to enjoy the rest of the summer. For my birthday, my oldest sister Wyvette gave me a gift that would prove to be of great benefit. It was an Advocare 24 Day Challenge Bundle. I started it soon after, and was very pleased with the results I had both in weight loss as well as the way I was feeling healthwise. My hope was to stay focused on this road of recovery and to see my ultimate goals obtained in my weight loss, but sad to say, that did not happen. LIFE happened!  And I once again fell under the bus as you might say, by the circumstances that were taking place. By August, I had finally been able to get our household budget in breathing status, and felt a sense of relief that we were actually going to be able to hold our head above the water. How short lived that victory was. On Sept. 19th, I was in the ER having extreme high blood pressure and what appeared to be a light stroke. Doctor was also concerned that I was on the verge of another heart attack. However, I was released to come home providing I would rest and take it easy. HELLO! Have they no idea of how my life is? To some I know that you would say that I am an idiot for not heeding the instructions, but please would someone tell me how to actually "not worry" or how to not deal with everything???? I would really like to have some instructions to go by. Now as the rest of this year unfolds as you will read, again I will ask you. HOW am I to not be stressed? Trust God? I DO! But life just keeps throwing some pretty heavy punches at this point. The very next day after I was in ER, I had discovered that Dale had another very bad infection in his foot, that he had tried to keep hidden. Not sure why he didnt think it was a matter that should have been already seen about, but as I have been told, " that's a man for ya". WHATEVER!! So, we go to the same Specialist in Amarillo that had treated him the last time, and guess what! His exact words were, "well, to the hospital you go". I knew that was going to be the verdict, but Dale was thinking that he would just be medicated and sent home to carry on. Well, because he ( Dale) felt that he needed to at least make some arrangements at work, ect.  he could not go straight to the hospital, so the Dr. said as long as he was at the hospital to check in by 9 the next morning, he would let him go home to prepare. Little did I know that we were in for yet another lengthly hospital stay, much less the other life changing issues we were about to experience.
For those who don't know, the hospital that Dale was being admitted to was 55 miles from our home. That makes it even harder on several levels, both costly as well as limited visits. We got him settled in the hospital, and the tests and evaluations began. Saturday evening, Maci and I went to the hospital, and Marijo came to visit and also took Maci to dinner. Little did we know, it would be our last time to see him alive. That following Monday morning, he was in a horrible accident on his way to work, that took his life as well as the other driver. That is a morning I will not soon forget, as I heard the screams and horrified cries of my daughter, as she found out. My heart was so crushed, not only for her grief but for my own. It was one of the darkest trials we have been through, and I know that if God had not been my strength, I could not have gone through those next few days. I had a husband with a serious condition in the hospital, not sure if he was going to be losing his foot this time, and now a daughter in a state of grief that was ripping my heart out. My sweet baby girl Mandi was trying hard to be strong through all of this too, and yet we all was dealing with pain that we had not experienced before. During all of this time, we also experienced some of the loneliest hours, as it seemed we had been forgotten. Calls were few and far between, and most of them were from friends or family that were far away. Locally, it was shocking at the lack of concern that we felt, especially from those who we thought would really be there for us. They were not. I have to say, it was during this time that I had to really hold my faith together, because we were so hurt and disappointed that it made it hard to look at some people after that. And still is, to a point. But also during this time, God put a few others in our path that ministered to us by encouragement and even provision for certain needs, that we knew were a "God thing". It strengthened not only my faith, but was also a testimony to my girls that God knew where we were, though others may be too busy to notice. I know that there are a few of our friends who would have come to our rescue if they were able to, and I am in no way referring to any of them when I speak of the disappointment of others. I refrain from being specific out of respect, but if I were mean spirited, I would list names and "places" of those who I truly expected moral support from, as well as at least the offer of any assitance that we may have needed. It still blows my mind and the lack of concern. I will get over it, it just really set me back. So, as the days turned into weeks, finally Dale was released to come home on Oct.23rd, and again was place on IV treatments to be given twice a day. Also, we had to go for wound care 3 times a week here at the local hospital, as well as weekly trips to Amarillo for his blood work and appointments. Finally the blessed day came when he was released to go back to work, which was on Nov. 12th- so you do the math now of how the financial status was at this point. And yet, Wonder Woman was still trying to hold it all together and take care of things. So pardon me if I have seemed a little " out of sorts" or hard to deal with, or perhaps a little " whiney" as some have actually said, but life has been just a little sucky this year, and so yes! I am ready to say goodby to it! I am very thankful that I have the mental ability to actually believe that the new year is a way to finally put this old one behind, and also that I believe that I have a new page to start writing life on. My honest hope and desire is that this year will be less drama filled and more happy, healthy and prosperous. I do believe we deserve a break! So, I shall end this particular post, as my opportunity to have written my recollections of the things that I want to put behind me, so that my future posts can be more inspiring as well as entries of awesome and wonderful happenings. Thanks for letting me share my heart. Hey wait! Isn't this MY blog? I can say anything I need to, want to, feel like, ect. and don't have to worry about it! :)

'Tis the season!

It's that time of year when diets are forgotten, and we plunge head long into indulging our tastebuds with all sorts of edibles that we may not normally consume. I for one, love to make candy, and this year I decided to venture out a little with some new fudge recipes. This is the latest, Chocolate Covered Cherry Fudge, and I must say, it is SO GOOD! It is my desire to be able to be a blessing to others, and though I am in desperate need of a financial breakthrough, I find myself giving more of the goods away than selling them, because it seems to give me great joy to do so. One thing I want to learn to be more open to, is to not let those little opportunities to be a blessing to someone else pass me by. It takes so little these days to brighten someones day, and sometimes we might feel like if it isn't a "big thing" to do, that it wouldn't be noticed or appreciated. On the contrary, most times it is the little things that can mean the most, because the main thing is that we took the time to do it, and that alone seems to be the challenge more than anything else. So this season, I am purposing in my own heart to go out of my way, and seek out those who may need that extra encouragement, and do my best to bless them with some Christmas Cheer. In doing so, I will also be very blessed. ~ Tis the season! Be a blessing!

Life happens, things change.

Looking at the date of my last post, and having read what I had written, I have to sit and just shake my head a little and say, "my, my, my". It is amazing how things can happen so quickly in life, and plans must be continually shifted to accomadate the changes. Shortly after the last post, my husband was hospitalized again, and spent another 5 weeks in, and then 4 more weeks home recovering, before being able to return to work. During this same time, our daughter lost her precious boyfriend in a car accident, and the grief and sorrows from that has caused us great pain to deal with, along with the set-backs that came with my husband being ill.  We are now just beginning to be able to hold our heads up again, and trying our best to move forward. We have experienced many lonely days and have even felt fosaken by mankind, but our God has been faithful to us, through it all. Our faith is steadfast, though we have wavered in our own faithfulness, as humans so often do. The storm has been strong and fierce, but as with all storms, they must end at some point. The devestation that can be caused during a storm depends on the type and strength of it, and the aftermath of destruction that is left behind once the storm has passed is the evidence of its power. Sometimes it takes quite a while to fully recover, and it is during these times that we need the strength and encouragement of our fellow man. These are times when you find out just who you can depend on. We have been disappointed and sort of shocked at the lack of concern from some, but God has allowed others to come forth with hearts of gold and love that has helped us to look past those we thought would be there for us. We are moving forward, and will continue to pursue what God is calling us to do, and by saying that, I am meaning that once again we will be putting forth the effort to revive our personal ministries and begin to focus on those events instead of pursuing a business. I will keep my little creative hobby business just that, a hobby, and will pour myself into the true calling of my heart. Also, I am re-entering the workforce, and will hopefully have full-time employment very soon. I am very excited and thankful for this, as it will help us financially.  One thing I am hoping very much to be able to do, especially once the new year begins, is to become an avid blogger, so that I can express myself in sharing my personal thoughts and life moments, and will welcome new followers who may want to stay connected. I plan to use facebook only for "need to know" information and a way to stay in touch with others. If you are new to my blog, welcome! If you are a faithful follower, I thank you for letting me be a part of your day. Here's to a wonderful holiday season! JESUS is the reason, and I celebrate Him!

Oh Happy Day!

Don't faint! I am actually blogging again today.  Just wanted to make mention of something, especially since I posted what I did yesterday. Shortly after I had entered that post, I had a talk with someone who encouraged me to stay in my shop until the end of the year, and actually made it possible for me to do so. One of the main reasons I have felt the need to leave the shop was the financial strain it has been to keep a place and utilities, yet had not been able to spend the proper time to be productive to create the funds to merit having it. However, God knew my heart was devestated at the thought of having to depart right here at the beginning of the best season for my goodies.  So now, with this made possible for me to at least remain until the end of the year, we will know by then what our future plans will be concerning keeping it or letting it go. I just want to be happy. My heart feels blessed today, and since my sweet momma is here for a few days, we are going to be working in the shop today getting some more things organized and in order, and my hopes are that by next week, I will be able to start production and sales, which will be mainly by taking orders, but there are a few new ideas in mind that might be put into action, too. We shall see. All I know is that I am very happy with this opportunity and plan to make the very best of it. If this body will just keep up, it will be great. :)

My Favorite Season

I love this time of year. The leaves start turning gorgeous colors, and the atmosphere just seems to come alive with magical feelings. When the air is crisp and the breeze is calm, and you just long to be out among the awesomess of all of the Autumn goodness. Seems that this season will bring some changes about for my life, that I did not intend, but must go forward with. Because of health issues that are beyond my control, I will not be able to continue with my plans and dreams of having a shop. I will not allow myself to feel defeated, but I cannot help but feel the stings of dissapointment and sadness as I come to a close in this chapter of my life. However, I will still do everything I feel up to doing in ways of crafting, baking and candy making to help with our income the best I can at this time. I must focus on getting healthier, and do everything I can to be less stressed. I want to be able to enjoy every blessed moment of this glorious season that is upon us, and to make memories with my girls that they will place in their hearts for safe keeping. Maybe  I will actually be able to devote the proper time and effort into having a blog.  Happy Fall, Y'all!

Just thankful, that's all.

Taking a moment to post my thankful thoughts, for life. I find it a bit more cherished these days, and am doing my best to make each day count. 2 years ago, I had a stroke that could have taken my life, but instead it has given me a new lease on life. I am so fortunate and blessed to be living with all mobility and for the most, a right mind. I can imagine some of you smiling and raising your eyebrows at that statement. Thats ok, though. I know you love me! And, I love you, too!

JUNE

It's my birthday month! Was just thinking about how fortunate I am to still have the opportunity to celebrate this event. Recently something very awesome dawned on me. It made so much sense! I realized that, I was born in the very middle of the year, the very middle of the month, and am right in the middle of my 2 sisters. Was a little startling at the accuracy of all of the " middle-ness". Suppose it is no secret that I am a pretty "middle of the road" kind of person in so many ways. With that all said, there is one area of my life that I truly do not wish to be found "in the middle" and that is in my faith and walk with God. I desire to be fully dedicated and striving to be all I can be as a true born again Christian.  May I always keep the joy of the Lord, for it truly is my strength. I pray that this is my best year yet, and it could very well be!

Randomness

Decided to visit the blog today, mainly so that I will remember the password and how to get on here. Really want to be a better blogger. I feel it would serve as a great theraputic method for this weary soul. I hope to be able to be more productive in many areas soon, and would love to become an inspiration to others who may need a little nudge in life to get moving. Heres to wishing anyone who may read this a very happy day!

God is my strength!

So thankful that when I am feeling weak in my spirit and flesh, I can be reminded that God will give me the strength that I need to make it. I remind myself of this very scripture several times a day. I take into consideration that it says ALL things, and that covers everything! What a great consolation for this weary soul to take comfort in.

Forgive and be forgiven

Have had to learn this lesson on many levels, and am just now getting to the last line of this little statement. For so long I thought that if I forgave someone for the pain they caused me, that I had to accept that what they did was ok. It makes a big difference when we can realize that the forgiveness is more for our benefit than for theirs. When we can come to terms that it is no longer going to take up residence in our hearts, then we can actually begin the healing process. I have to let it go, and forgive, so that I too can find forgiveness. But I do not have the capability to forget. However, I do have the choice of whether I allow myself to continually think about it, or move on. I have spent too long thinking about it, hashing out, trying to plead my cause of being understood, and now I choose to let it go and move on. Life is too short to waste precious moments on things so not worth my time. I am determined to win this one!

Have Thought Will Blog

Decided to enter the blogging world. Been wanting to, even started several previous attempts, but failed to see them through. I have viewed so many great blogs, and seen some really neat pages, but will certainly have to learn the ropes on how to get my page to appear as I desire it to. Will be asking for tips and help from those of you who already have a succesful blog site in place.
With that said, I will set off into this adventure, and hope to be able to share my thoughts and other random views with all who wish to read them.
Ta ta for now!